...Run a Scam
You don't have to be a big-time money manager like Bernie Madoff to execute a successful scam. Greg Hays, whose firm Hays Financial Consulting specializes in detecting and unraveling frauds, says they all start the same way: with one really good line of BS. — Mike Olson
Illustrations: Jason Lee**1 // Pick a Scam
The Ponzi scheme uses cash from new investors to pay dividends to old investors, so it looks like profits are soaring. In a pyramid scheme, every "investor" lures a new batch of suckers for a cut of all future entry fees. A multilevel-marketing scam has "reps" sell some product but entices them with commissions on sales of those they, in turn, recruit.
2 // Work an Angle
Whenever Madoff was asked how he turned such high profits (about 10 percent annually), he cited "split-strike conversions," a proprietary system that he couldn't discuss. "There's usually some cryptic angle," Hays notes. Marketing scams often push products with secret compounds that, say, triple muscle mass, hair thickness, and brain cells.
3 // Spread the Word
Any huckster worth his salt (or someone else's) relies on word of mouth. "They have to get people singing their praises early," Hays says. Pyramid promoters cut checks regularly, and multilevel marketers shell out big "bonuses" for recruitment.
4 // Run for the Border
By its 11th round, a pyramid that began with six takers needs 362,797,056 more. "There aren't enough people to sustain these schemes," Hays says. Skip to a country without extradition laws. We hear Vanuatu is lovely this time of year.
Illustration: Jason Lee...Remove a Fishhook From a Buddy
Forget the ER. If the hook isn't embedded beyond its bend, and it's not lodged in the nose or an ear, you can extract it yourself. — William Snyder
1 // Cut a 20-inch piece of heavy fishing line and loop it around the hook's bend.
2 // Push down on the far end of the shank until it touches the skin.
3 // Quickly jerk the line straight back. The barb should pop right out.
Illustration: Jason Lee...Jailbreak an iPhone 3G
We would never advocate hacking your iPhone so you could download unofficial applications like Clippy (for cutting and pasting) and NES emulators. It violates Apple's terms of service. But theoretically, this is how one might do it: Update the iTunes and iPhone app installer and download a kit called Pwnage Tool from the iPhone Dev Team (wikee.iphwn.org). Select "simple mode" and install Cydia, your gateway to third-party software. Of course, when you do this, your warranty will evaporate. Don't worry. If your Jesus phone flatlines, you can resurrect it with an iTunes system restore. —Daniel Dumas
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