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Without fail our rapacious (or free-market depending on your view) nature kicks in every time there is talk of a major consumer shortage in the U.S. Earlier this month we saw New Yorkers selling gasoline for $15 per gallon to those stranded by Hurricane Sandy. More recently the news that Hostess would be closing up shop and no longer filling shelves with Twinkies, Cupcakes, and Ding Dongs, spurred a hoarding and price-gouging frenzy of the beloved though famously artificial-tasting snack cakes.
Immediately after the news broke that Hostess was going bankrupt due to a dispute over pay and pensions with its unionized bakers, Hostess fans and casual snackers alike rushed to gas stations, corner liquor stores, supermarkets, and anywhere else to get their fix. By Friday evening Wired's neighborhood Safeway Hostess display had been ransacked, with shoppers only leaving behind the apparently unloved lemon pies.
Would-be snack cake profiteer John Stansel of Tampa, Florida, offered his stash of 20 boxes of Ding Dongs and Twinkies (which he bought for $100 total) for $1,000 per box. In case you didn't do the math, the usual going rate is about $5 per box. And that $10,000 box of Twinkies that you've likely heard about? It's still for sale on eBay with one day left to beat out the only bid. If you'd rather do business with Amazon, here's a box of Twinkies selling for $550, plus $6 for shipping.
We are here to tell you: Put your life savings away, the $10,000-per-box black market for Twinkies and other Hostess goodies is over before it began, or will be soon.
On Monday, Hostess and the Baker's Union agreed to enter mediation, as a last-ditch effort to settle issues and keep Hostess alive. Federal Judge Robert Drain, who is presiding over the bankruptcy hearing, urged the two parties to talk out their issues in a session now scheduled for Tuesday. If the two sides are too jacked-up from eating too many Donettes and Ding Dongs to come to a reasonable agreement, Hostess will go back to court Wednesday to get approval for its buyout plan.
The likelihood that either an agreement will be reached, or someone will take over the Hostess assets and keep Twinkies and the rest of the snack family alive is already being reflected in online pricing for the treats. eBay sellers are now asking for a more modest $10 to $30 per box. That's likely also due to the realization that there are only a few desperate knuckleheads out there willing to pay much more than $5 for a $5 box of treats.
Besides, ever heard of Little Debbie's Swiss Rolls or Cocoa Cremes? And don't get a Philadelphian started on Tastykake butterscotch krimpets. Zombie Apocalypse or not, they are tasty and in stock.
Bottom line is, as these snack opportunists are discovering, you live by the Twinkie, you die by the Twinkie.
