Daniel Nyari
A remake of RoboCop?! I would not buy that for a dollar. It's enough of an outrage that the new film replaces the scathing satire of Reagan-era privatization and vigilantism with dumb commentary about drones. But I have some serious doubts about how well star Joel Kinnaman can fill Peter Weller's helmet. It's not the performance I'm worried about; Kinnaman's an excellent actor. But when RoboCop's face is the moviegoer's only link to his onetime humanity, there had better be a hyper-photogenic jaw peeking out—even though the helmet in the remake is retractable and RoboCop doffs it as casually as if he's opening the sunroof on his car. I get it: Hollywood pays big bank for a bankable star, so it wants to highlight his mug. And Kinnaman's is fine. But Weller's? Weller's was magnificent. Perfect lips that weren't too plump or too thin. Chin, teeth, philtrum—all flawless. Give him a Kirk Douglas dimple and he'd have the whole package. (This isn't homoeroticism. It's canon!) Hollywood, I find you in violation of superhero bylaw 3.1, section A: Any feature that sticks out of a superhero's costume must be perfect!
Angry Nerd—aka mild-mannered Chris Baker—has taken his righteous indignation to the small screen. Check out his video rants on Big Bang Theory and other cultural travesties.
