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I fancy myself a bit of an indoor basketball connoisseur. The hallway of my childhood home doubled as a way to work post moves with my back to a suction-cup Nerf hoop and an invisible defender. In college, a friend and I invented a game called “Hangtime,” which we played on his high-end, free-standing indoor hoop. The next year, I converted my dorm room into a miniature civic center with a three-point line and a key taped on the floor. (S'up, ladies?)
So I am qualified to tell you the Killspencer Indoor Mini Basketball Kit, a luxe spin on the trusty Nerf hoop, is equal parts amazing and ridiculous. It’s amazing because its high-end materials will make you feel like you're Shaq playing real basketball, which is everything O.G. Nerf basketball historians want. It's ridiculous for the usual reason: price.
Let's talk business here. The one with the 24-karat-gold rim is clearly the one to get. I mean, you could slum it and get the version with the metal rim, but gold is best. Because it's gold. Either way, the durable rim and 1.5-inch-thick maple backboard are surely strong enough to endure years of play, unlike the breakable plastic build of lesser hoops.
This thing is stout. The rim and backboard weigh 18 pounds. That should solve a problem that has plagued competitive Nerf basketball since the dawn of history: Often, the ball is too heavy for the rim, causing it to flop around crazily---and occasionally even come unmoored from the door!---when the ball hits the front of the rim. That's not a problem for the Killspencer hoops, which also have leather nets. Have you ever heard the sound of leather swishing through leather? No? Neither have I, but I wish to.
How much would you pay for these amazing products? Forty bucks? Fifty maybe? Pffft. Move along, there's nothing for you here. The Killspencer Indoor Mini Basketball Kit costs $795, and that’s for the metal-rim version. Want the gold-rim version? Of course you do. That'll be $995, please. And that's just for the rim, the backboard, and the net. If you want to do anything other than stare at it, it’ll cost you at least $300 for a matching ball to complete the kit. Yes, it’s a beautiful black full-grain leather basketball that probably smells and feels wonderful, but it’s still a $300 miniature basketball. There’s also a version of the ball made with perforated leather if you want to step it up to $375.
Pro tip: The Killspencer balls are size 3, which is fairly standard in the world of miniature competitive sports. Most souvenir basketballs are the same size, there are size 3 Nike basketballs, and both are available for around $10. Quick math here: $10 is cheaper than $300.
So yes, you should definitely splurge on this gorgeous $995 golden indoor basketball hoop, but then you should save money and use a Toronto Raptors souvenir ball with it. You may also want to paint a box on the backboard to help with your bank shots. And you should definitely invite me over once you buy it.
